70 THINGS TO DO IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM 


1. Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up 
   a conversation. 

2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that." 

3. Scream "Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?" 

4. Say, "Hmm, I've never seen that color before. . ." 

5. Rub chocolate on your hands, reach under the door and say, "Hey 
   buddy. Got any toilet paper?" 

6. Grunt and strain really loudly for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe 
   into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly. 

7. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet 
   paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. 
   Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?" 

8. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under 
   the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!" 

9. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy!! Don't fall asleep on me!!" 

10. Say, "Interesting. . . more floaters than sinkers." 

11. Say, "Now, how did that get there?" 

12. Say, "Damn, this water's cold!" 

13. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit, my glass eye!!" 

14. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence 
    with a bodily function noise. 

15. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May 
    I borrow a highlighter?" 

16. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus." 

17. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your 
    hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while 
    you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. 

18. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccini alfredo you had 
    for breakfast. 

19. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot!!" 

20. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?" 

21. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks. 

22. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your, "Cross-Dressers 
    Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall. 

23. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can 
    see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!" 

24. Provide 'strenuous' sound effects. 

25. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

26. Comment "Pooh, who did that?" 

27. Complement people on their shoes. 

28. Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in their bowl. 

29. Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives. 

30. Simulate a drug deal. 

31. Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects). 

32. Roll Easter Eggs under the doors. 

33. Start a sing-a-long. 

34. Act schizophrenically. 

35. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in 
    there. If so, ask if they are busy.... 

36. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman. 

37. Ask loudly "When does the movie start?" 

38. Write 'nerdy' graffiti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you." 

39. Kick in stall doors, camera in hand. 

40. Pour water over the stall door onto occupant. 

41. Say "Oops... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and 
    under the walls and door into other stalls. 

42. At night, switch off the lights. 

43. Run around naked yelling, "Where's the fish?" 

44. Collect a door charge. 

45. Ask, "Is there a doctor in the house?" 

46. Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing. 

47. Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl. 

48. Write essay questions on the toilet paper. 

49. Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl. 

50. Offer refreshments. 

51. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper. 

52. Run in, yelling "Free Willy!" 

53. Charge admission. 

54. Electrify metal urinals. 

55. Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl. 

56. One word: GOLDFISH. 

57. Make a jelly in the bowl. 

58. Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard. 

59. Remove stall doors. 

60. Glue seat and cover down to bowl. 

61. Place signs warning of 24-hour video surveillance. 

62. Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE. 

63. Put itching powder on the toilet seats. 

64. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl. 

65. Replace soap in dispenser with custard. 

66. Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available. 

67. Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install. 

68. Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa). 

69. In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: 
    Don't leave the water in while you do this....) 

70. Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.