MARTHA STEWART'S 10 WORST TIPS FOR LIVING:


10. If you notice a guest using the "wrong" fork, pick up the "right" 
    fork and jam it into his head. 

9. Heavily sedated pets make unusual centerpieces. 

8. Add glitter to every damn thing you own. 

7. Nothing spruces up bathroom like potpourri & a stack of wrestling magazines. 

6. Kick off your O.J. dinner party by having Johnnie Cochran lie about what's in the chili.

5. Old gym shorts stuffed with cat hair make great throw pillows. 

4. To liven up a "black tie only" affair, wear ONLY a black tie. 

3. You want livin'? Take a Big Mac, coat with butter, then refry the bastard. 

2. Household putty is an excellent way to fill embarrassing gap between teeth. 

1. To enliven any salad try eating it while hanging by your hair.